The Motherhood Tipping Point: Discovering ADHD after Children

Written By Erin Sutherland (Provisional Psychologist) 

Over the past few years, I've noticed something interesting in my work as a psychologist. More and more women are seeking ADHD assessments several years after becoming mothers.

These are often bright, capable women who have successfully navigated education, careers, relationships, and the many responsibilities of adult life. 

Yet, motherhood seems to have changed something. Many describe feeling increasingly overwhelmed by everyday tasks, constantly behind, or confused about why life suddenly feels harder to manage.

It's easy to assume this is simply because motherhood is demanding. And it is. But recent research suggests there may be more to the story.

A recent study immediately caught my attention because it reflected a pattern I had been noticing in practice. Researchers in Denmark followed more than 360,000 women and looked at when ADHD diagnoses occurred in relation to pregnancy and childbirth.

Surprisingly, they showed that ADHD diagnoses didn't peak during pregnancy or in the exhausting newborn stage. Instead, the highest rates of diagnosis occurred when children were between two and five years old.

At first glance, this seems a little counterintuitive. Most people would assume that caring for a newborn would be the most overwhelming stage of parenting. Instead, diagnoses increased most significantly several years later, during the toddler and preschool years. That raises an interesting question: what is it about this particular stage of parenting that might bring previously unrecognised ADHD traits into sharper focus?

  When we think about the challenges of parenting young children, we often focus on the physical demands and less attention is given to the mental work involved. 

As children move into toddlerhood and the preschool years, parenting becomes increasingly complex. There are childcare schedules, appointments, activities, permission notes, lunchboxes, changing routines, and countless small tasks that need to be remembered and organised.

Many mothers are also balancing work, other family members, relationships, and household responsibilities. None of these tasks are particularly difficult on their own. The challenge is that they all need to happen at once.

Researchers describe the skills required to manage these competing demands as executive functioning. Executive functioning includes our ability to plan, organise, prioritise, manage time, switch attention between tasks, regulate emotions, and keep track of multiple pieces of information simultaneously. These are also some of the key areas affected by ADHD.

  One reason ADHD can go unnoticed for many years, particularly in women, is that many develop effective ways of compensating for their difficulties.

They may rely on detailed systems, perfectionism, anxiety-driven preparation, or simply working harder than everyone around them. Often these strategies are successful enough that ADHD is never considered.

The problem is that these strategies were usually developed when they were responsible primarily for themselves. Motherhood dramatically increases the number of moving parts that need to be managed. The systems that once worked may no longer be sufficient, and what previously felt manageable can begin to feel overwhelming.

  The researchers from the Danish study did not specifically investigate why diagnoses peaked between ages two and five, so we need to be careful about drawing conclusions1. However, when we consider their findings alongside emerging research on motherhood and executive functioning, a compelling possibility emerges.

While infants require intensive physical care, parenting older children often places greater demands on planning, organisation, flexibility, emotional regulation, and mental load. Parents are no longer simply responding to immediate needs. They are constantly thinking ahead, coordinating schedules, anticipating problems, and managing increasingly complex family systems.

For women who have spent years compensating for underlying ADHD traits, this stage of life may represent a tipping point where those strategies become increasingly difficult to sustain. In other words, motherhood doesn’t cause ADHD, rather it may create circumstances that make previously hidden ADHD more visible.

  Many women who receive an ADHD diagnosis in adulthood describe years of frustration and self-blame. They often wonder why they struggle with things that seem easier for other people despite working incredibly hard.

The emerging research offers a different perspective. Rather than viewing these difficulties as personal failings, it may be more accurate to view them as the result of a mismatch between increasing life demands and the cognitive systems available to manage them.

If motherhood is one of the life stages that exposes those traits, then struggling during this period is not a sign of failure. It may simply mean that the strategies that once worked are no longer enough for the demands being carried.

While much remains to be learned, the growing number of women seeking ADHD assessment after becoming mothers appears unlikely to be a coincidence. Instead, motherhood may be one of the stages of life that brings previously hidden neurodivergence into view.

 References

1. Madsen, K. B., Winther, M., Jensen, A. T., et al. (2025). Maternal ADHD diagnoses before and after childbirth: A Danish population-based cohort study. Journal of Attention Disorders. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1177/10870547251372730

2. Ghadimi, N., et al. (2025). Executive functioning in matrescence and implications for mental health. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 16, Article 1663017. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2025.1663017

3. Attoe, D. E., & Climie, E. A. (2023). Miss. diagnosis: A systematic review of ADHD in adult women. Journal of Attention Disorders, 27(7), 739–754. https://doi.org/10.1177/10870547231161533

About the Author

Erin Sutherland is a Provisional Psychologist at Raw Psychology Clinic. She holds a Master of Professional Psychology (UNE) and a Bachelor of Science in Cell and Molecular Biology (UTS). Erin has particular interests in women’s mental health, perinatal mental health, and neurodivergence, including ADHD across the lifespan. As a working mother of three with lived experience of ADHD and PMDD, Erin is passionate about helping women better understand their mental health and develop strategies that work with their unique strengths and experiences.

Written By Erin Sutherland (Provisional Psychologist) 

As a psychologist I have the privilege of working with many women on a journey of self-understanding. And, like many women, I discovered my own ADHD as an adult while balancing studying, motherhood, and the many responsibilities that come with both.

Looking back, so many things suddenly make sense. What once felt like personal failings or eccentricities, started to look more like a different way of thinking and experiencing the world. And perhaps most importantly, it created space for much more self-compassion.

Recently, I have noticed many women have found themselves asking a similar question; “could it have been ADHD all along?”.

Sometimes the realisation comes after seeing a social media post that feels strangely familiar, or when a child is assessed for ADHD and a parent begins to recognise similarities in themselves. And sometimes it emerges after years of quietly wondering why everyday life feels more overwhelming than it seems to be for others.

Discovering ADHD later in life can bring a powerful mix of emotions like relief, validation, grief, curiosity, and self-compassion. So why are so many women discovering their ADHD in adulthood? 

For decades, ADHD was primarily recognised and researched in young boys who displayed hyperactivity or disruptive behaviour in school, and this shaped diagnostic criteria that focused on these presentations. However, ADHD in girls often looks different, and was therefore frequently missed.

Interestingly, while boys are diagnosed with ADHD far more often than girls in childhood, this difference lessens in adulthood suggesting many girls were simply not recognised earlier. As awareness grows, more women are connecting the dots between their lifelong experiences and ADHD.

ADHD in girls and women often appears in ways that are less visible to others. 

For example, ADHD may show up as:

> Difficulty organising tasks or managing time

> Feeling mentally overwhelmed by everyday responsibilities

> Intense emotional responses or rejection sensitivity 

> Difficulty starting tasks despite strong intentions

> Racing thoughts or constant mental activity

> Chronic feelings of being “behind” in life

Some researchers describe this as “internalised hyperactivity”, where the restlessness happens primarily in the mind rather than the body. Because these experiences are largely internal, they can go easily unnoticed by teachers, parents, and even the individual themselves.

  From a young age, many girls learn to work extremely hard to hide their difficulties and meet social expectations. They may develop impressive strategies to compensate for their challenges, also known as “masking”. 

For example, girls with ADHD may:

> Spend much longer on schoolwork to keep up academically

> Rely on anxiety or perfectionism to stay organised

> Observe and imitate peers in social situations

> Push themselves to exhaustion trying to appear “on top of things”

From the outside, they may seem to be coping well, but internally life can feel like a constant effort to keep everything from falling apart. Research suggests these compensatory strategies often allow girls to function well enough that their ADHD remains unrecognised for years.

 Instead of recognising patterns of executive functioning differences as ADHD traits, they are often interpreted as personality characteristics or shortcomings. Many women grow up heading labels like; “too sensitive”, “lazy” or “not living up to their potential”. Over time these messages can become deeply internalised. 

Research shows that many women diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood can spend years believing something was deeply wrong with them, feeling “different” or “not good enough” without understanding why everyday tasks seemed so difficult despite their effort.

An ADHD diagnosis can cause a profound shift in how women view themselves. Instead of asking, “why can’t I just get it together?” they begin asking, “what if my brain just works differently?”. This shift can be incredibly powerful as it moves the conversation away from blame, towards understanding, compassion, and adjusting life to suit their brain. 

Because ADHD can involve emotional intensity, overwhelm, and difficulty regulating attention and energy, many women are first diagnosed with conditions such as anxiety or depression. While these conditions can absolutely occur alongside ADHD, they may sometimes represent secondary responses to years of unrecognised ADHD challenges.

Women with ADHD are significantly more likely to experience mental health difficulties such as anxiety and depression, particularly when ADHD remains unidentified. This means many women spend years trying to manage symptoms that don’t fully make sense until ADHD is considered.

Hormonal fluctuations during life stages like puberty, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause and menopause can influence attention, emotional regulation, and cognitive functioning and ADHD traits can become more noticeable during these transitions. 

For example, the cognitive and emotional demands of motherhood can make long-standing executive functioning challenges more visible. Similarly, hormonal challenges during menopause may intensify existing ADHD symptoms. Researchers are increasingly recognising that ADHD in women cannot be fully understood without considering these biological and life-stage factors.

Research exploring women’s experiences of adult ADHD diagnosis consistently highlights themes of relief, validation, and self-compassion. Many women describe finally having language to understand experiences that previously felt confusing or isolating. Instead of viewing themselves as lazy, disorganised, or failing, they begin to recognise that their brains just work differently.

A diagnosis can also open the door to:

> Learning strategies that work with their brain

> Accessing appropriate support

> Connecting with other neurodivergent people

> Letting go of years of unnecessary self-blame

Importantly, many women discover strengths associated with their ADHD, including creativity, curiosity, problem-solving ability, and innovative thinking.

If you are recognising parts of your own experience, it might be worth being curious. Understanding how your brain works, whether through reflection, conversation of professional support, can be a powerful step toward building a life that fits you more comfortably.

When we stop trying to force ourselves into systems that weren’t designed for our brains, we often discover new ways to thrive. 

And sometimes, the most important realisation is simply this:

You were never the problem. You were just missing the explanation.  

 References

1. Babinski, D. E., & Libsack, E. J. (2025). Adult diagnosis of ADHD in women: A mixed methods investigation. Journal of Attention Disorders, 29(3), 207–219.

2. Qvale, L. M., & Piech, R. M. (2025). Was it ADHD I had all along? Perceived consequences for women diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood. Nordic Psychology.

3. Holden, E., & Kobayashi-Wood, H. (2025). Adverse experiences of women with undiagnosed ADHD and the invaluable role of diagnosis. Scientific Reports.

4. Krebs, K., & Donnellan-Fernandez, R. (2025). The impact of ADHD across women’s lifespan: An integrative literature review. BMC Women’s Health, 25, 593.

About the Author

Erin Sutherland is a Provisional Psychologist at Raw Psychology Clinic. She holds a Master of Professional Psychology (UNE) and a Bachelor of Science in Cell and Molecular Biology (UTS). Erin has particular interests in women’s mental health, perinatal mental health, and neurodivergence, including ADHD across the lifespan. As a working mother of three with lived experience of ADHD and PMDD, Erin is passionate about helping women better understand their mental health and develop strategies that work with their unique strengths and experiences.