Was It ADHD All Along? Understanding Late ADHD Diagnosis in Women...

Written By Erin Sutherland (Provisional Psychologist) 

As a psychologist I have the privilege of working with many women on a journey of self-understanding. And, like many women, I discovered my own ADHD as an adult while balancing studying, motherhood, and the many responsibilities that come with both.

Looking back, so many things suddenly make sense. What once felt like personal failings or eccentricities, started to look more like a different way of thinking and experiencing the world. And perhaps most importantly, it created space for much more self-compassion.

Recently, I have noticed many women have found themselves asking a similar question; “could it have been ADHD all along?”.

Sometimes the realisation comes after seeing a social media post that feels strangely familiar, or when a child is assessed for ADHD and a parent begins to recognise similarities in themselves. And sometimes it emerges after years of quietly wondering why everyday life feels more overwhelming than it seems to be for others.

Discovering ADHD later in life can bring a powerful mix of emotions like relief, validation, grief, curiosity, and self-compassion. So why are so many women discovering their ADHD in adulthood? 

For decades, ADHD was primarily recognised and researched in young boys who displayed hyperactivity or disruptive behaviour in school, and this shaped diagnostic criteria that focused on these presentations. However, ADHD in girls often looks different, and was therefore frequently missed.

Interestingly, while boys are diagnosed with ADHD far more often than girls in childhood, this difference lessens in adulthood suggesting many girls were simply not recognised earlier. As awareness grows, more women are connecting the dots between their lifelong experiences and ADHD.

ADHD in girls and women often appears in ways that are less visible to others. 

For example, ADHD may show up as:

> Difficulty organising tasks or managing time

> Feeling mentally overwhelmed by everyday responsibilities

> Intense emotional responses or rejection sensitivity 

> Difficulty starting tasks despite strong intentions

> Racing thoughts or constant mental activity

> Chronic feelings of being “behind” in life

Some researchers describe this as “internalised hyperactivity”, where the restlessness happens primarily in the mind rather than the body. Because these experiences are largely internal, they can go easily unnoticed by teachers, parents, and even the individual themselves.

  From a young age, many girls learn to work extremely hard to hide their difficulties and meet social expectations. They may develop impressive strategies to compensate for their challenges, also known as “masking”. 

For example, girls with ADHD may:

> Spend much longer on schoolwork to keep up academically

> Rely on anxiety or perfectionism to stay organised

> Observe and imitate peers in social situations

> Push themselves to exhaustion trying to appear “on top of things”

From the outside, they may seem to be coping well, but internally life can feel like a constant effort to keep everything from falling apart. Research suggests these compensatory strategies often allow girls to function well enough that their ADHD remains unrecognised for years.

 Instead of recognising patterns of executive functioning differences as ADHD traits, they are often interpreted as personality characteristics or shortcomings. Many women grow up heading labels like; “too sensitive”, “lazy” or “not living up to their potential”. Over time these messages can become deeply internalised. 

Research shows that many women diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood can spend years believing something was deeply wrong with them, feeling “different” or “not good enough” without understanding why everyday tasks seemed so difficult despite their effort.

An ADHD diagnosis can cause a profound shift in how women view themselves. Instead of asking, “why can’t I just get it together?” they begin asking, “what if my brain just works differently?”. This shift can be incredibly powerful as it moves the conversation away from blame, towards understanding, compassion, and adjusting life to suit their brain. 

Because ADHD can involve emotional intensity, overwhelm, and difficulty regulating attention and energy, many women are first diagnosed with conditions such as anxiety or depression. While these conditions can absolutely occur alongside ADHD, they may sometimes represent secondary responses to years of unrecognised ADHD challenges.

Women with ADHD are significantly more likely to experience mental health difficulties such as anxiety and depression, particularly when ADHD remains unidentified. This means many women spend years trying to manage symptoms that don’t fully make sense until ADHD is considered.

Hormonal fluctuations during life stages like puberty, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause and menopause can influence attention, emotional regulation, and cognitive functioning and ADHD traits can become more noticeable during these transitions. 

For example, the cognitive and emotional demands of motherhood can make long-standing executive functioning challenges more visible. Similarly, hormonal challenges during menopause may intensify existing ADHD symptoms. Researchers are increasingly recognising that ADHD in women cannot be fully understood without considering these biological and life-stage factors.

Research exploring women’s experiences of adult ADHD diagnosis consistently highlights themes of relief, validation, and self-compassion. Many women describe finally having language to understand experiences that previously felt confusing or isolating. Instead of viewing themselves as lazy, disorganised, or failing, they begin to recognise that their brains just work differently.

A diagnosis can also open the door to:

> Learning strategies that work with their brain

> Accessing appropriate support

> Connecting with other neurodivergent people

> Letting go of years of unnecessary self-blame

Importantly, many women discover strengths associated with their ADHD, including creativity, curiosity, problem-solving ability, and innovative thinking.

If you are recognising parts of your own experience, it might be worth being curious. Understanding how your brain works, whether through reflection, conversation of professional support, can be a powerful step toward building a life that fits you more comfortably.

When we stop trying to force ourselves into systems that weren’t designed for our brains, we often discover new ways to thrive. 

And sometimes, the most important realisation is simply this:

You were never the problem. You were just missing the explanation.  

 References

1. Babinski, D. E., & Libsack, E. J. (2025). Adult diagnosis of ADHD in women: A mixed methods investigation. Journal of Attention Disorders, 29(3), 207–219.

2. Qvale, L. M., & Piech, R. M. (2025). Was it ADHD I had all along? Perceived consequences for women diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood. Nordic Psychology.

3. Holden, E., & Kobayashi-Wood, H. (2025). Adverse experiences of women with undiagnosed ADHD and the invaluable role of diagnosis. Scientific Reports.

4. Krebs, K., & Donnellan-Fernandez, R. (2025). The impact of ADHD across women’s lifespan: An integrative literature review. BMC Women’s Health, 25, 593.

About the Author

Erin Sutherland is a Provisional Psychologist at Raw Psychology Clinic. She holds a Master of Professional Psychology (UNE) and a Bachelor of Science in Cell and Molecular Biology (UTS). Erin has particular interests in women’s mental health, perinatal mental health, and neurodivergence, including ADHD across the lifespan. As a working mother of three with lived experience of ADHD and PMDD, Erin is passionate about helping women better understand their mental health and develop strategies that work with their unique strengths and experiences.